Tears of the Blade
by Minako Miharu
Summary: Tears of the Blade, a Fiction in Five Parts. He was the blade or was the blade him? Sometimes it was hard to tell. With apologies, discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the original characters of InuYasha because frankly if I did Kouga would get more time center stage. InuYasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and I promise not to scuff him up too badly.

**Author's Opening Note**: This is a fiction in five chapters, a personal challenge to myself to see if I could complete a full well rounded fic in that small number. I will be doing more than one like that if it works out.

Chapter One: Arimasen Fuyu, _or_ There is Not Winter

The sound was eerie and beautiful as well as haunting, echoing before each wave of it as the brothers fought. This fight was not like the others that had come before in that Sesshoumaru's focus seemed to have shifted from simply taking the sword made from their father's fang from his half-brother towards the purpose of destroying it instead. If it were any other than Sesshoumaru they might have thought he was doing it as a simple matter of a fit of pique, a way of expressing the childish sentiment of _'If I can't have it, neither can you.'_ But this was Sesshoumaru and it was in doubt if he had ever had a moment of childish behavior allowed in his life.

The musical ring came forth again as the borrowed dragon's arm struck the blade again and it was Sango's voice that came soft, almost awed afterwards.

"It's Tessaiga. Can't you hear it, its crying."

What was most unusual was that none of them saw fit to question this because her words rang true as that mournful tone came again, the resonance seeming to dance through InuYasha's chest as he fought his much more powerful older brother and the next strike he blocked with his own flesh. Kagome forgot how to breathe when that happened until a great whoop brought air into her starving lungs and she swayed dizzily. She was so scared and she saw that the next strike had near blinded him, the drizzle of Sesshoumaru's poison harming him despite what small amount had actually touched his flesh.

She bit her lip so hard that it bled and her fear nearly colored the air around her surely as it did her very scent. Yet it was not fear for herself but for him as she knew as well as the rest of them what would happen if InuYasha did not have Tessaiga. There simply had to be a way for him to once more overcome Sesshoumaru, Kagome's faith in InuYasha would not allow her to consciously think otherwise though the scent of her fear told the truth that she was afraid that way to win would have far too dear a cost. She bit her lower lip so hard that she could taste blood and she wiped it away on the back of her hand as the wind picked up in the clearing, blowing her hair forward over her face before continuing on to wash over the demon-blooded as they fought.

There was a moment then when the cry of the sword changed, no longer haunting, hurt, saddened by the strikes of the claw of the dragon. There was that moment when the cry became a pulse of rage and while InuYasha tried to clear his blurred vision that pulse seemed to light up his other senses in an inferno of power. _He could smell it then, he could smell the Scar of the Wind where Sesshoumaru's aura flowed. _He then cut that scar and unleashed what he had been told was the ultimate technique of power for his heirloom sword upon his only living relative. He felt a moment's pain at this which surprised him but not as much as the relief that came into his heart when he realized that Sesshoumaru had not been vaporized by the attack.

He had felt that outrush of demonic power and later he knew that Kagome had seen the glow that happened at the same time. Tenseiga had saved its master despite Sesshoumaru's low opinion of it, but that did not bother InuYasha as it should have. All he felt inside was relief that he had not been the one to slay his brother and he felt a strange sense that Tessaiga approved of this. He became aware of something else as Kagome knelt before him to carefully tend the acid burns on his face despite his protests that he was fine and would heal. There was a contented hum coming from his sword at a level too low or too high for humans to hear but with his demon blood he heard it just fine.

It had done this before but he had truly never paid it much attention though now he began to wonder about it. As his vision cleared he also surreptitiously let those golden eyes of his roam over Kagome. He had smelled blood on her as she drew near though he could not see any wounds on her until she spoke and drew his gaze to her mouth. He knew what she'd done then and felt a momentary spike of sorrow about it which was odd. He should feel angry that she'd injure herself worrying about him like he wouldn't win against his stupid older brother, he should feel angry but he didn't. He felt sorrow that she would worry and warmth as well because he knew she cared. A chill came over him then as he wondered something else.

That pulse that had fired his demon blood had come after a faint tendril of Kagome's scent laced with fear and blood moved over him with the advancing breeze. It had caused a fear to spike in his heart because he'd known that he could not look away from Sesshoumaru to take care of her and he had to trust that Miroku and Sango could keep her safe until he could get there. But Miroku and Sango were not the ones that had said they would protect her. By now as well he had noticed a few other things about Kagome's nearness and his own abilities in a fight, he wasn't nearly as stupid as many people thought he was. InuYasha might be rough but he was not stupid, even when he acted dense to get them to leave him alone with his thoughts.

His clawed hand tightened around the sheath of his sword now as Kagome moved back and they spoke about what had happened. There was a bit of pride in her voice because she realized that he had indeed figured out how to use the Wind Scar despite it being in unorthodox fashion and he liked that pride being there when it was about him. Later, much later, he would believe that was the night it started though even looking back he doubted that he could have changed what would happen. After all he'd gotten used to not being alone and he knew that he needed Kagome at his side and without Tessaiga there was no reigning in his demon blood.

However as with many things that were of demonic origin while Tessaiga was not hostile to him and kept his companions safe after countless trials and attacks he was beginning to understand that it had a will of its own. In a way this exhilarated him as it was a sword made from the very fang of his Father and for awhile he thought of it as having his Father with him. But there were moments in which he wondered if some of the things he was able to do in battle were his will or Tessaiga's especially when it came to protecting Kagome. The line became even more blurred as time went on and a lesser demon or man might have been content to let it go or ignore it but InuYasha could not.

There were times in which he could not tell where he ended and Tessaiga began and he knew one thing. While he cared for Kagome deeply, more than he might ever admit to her in words over actions, Tessaiga loved the priestess from the future and the thought unsettled InuYasha greatly. How could he be _jealous _over an inanimate object or what feelings it might or might not have? Many were the times where he would be up ahead of the rest of the group to scout for upcoming trouble and part of his mind would be turning over the information his senses gathered, part would be going over what he could have done better in the last encounter with an enemy, and the rest was thinking over his problem with Kagome.

But was it really a problem with her or within himself in that he was so wrapped up in his guilt of the past that he could not find his way clear to setting his future straight? For if InuYasha had a future it lay with Kagome at his side, one way or another. His Inu-demon side would allow for nothing less as long ago at least that portion of his being had claimed her as his and would do anything to protect her. Including continuing to seek out the source of his continued guilt in the resurrected Kikyou because she always seemed to have some tidbit about Naraku to hold over his head and if he knew where she was moving it was easier to keep her away from Kagome. The demon part of him hated the dead priestess because it knew without a doubt that if there was a way for Kikyou to kill Kagome and lay claim to her entire soul that she would do it.

That she had not killed Kagome yet spoke more to the fact that she was unsure if she would be able to have one of her Shinidimachu take the released soul than any sort of positive change in her attitude towards himself or Kagome. As much as his demon hated her he had some strange pity as well because she was sad and cold and seeing her hurt his human heart. She had not deserved to die as she had though he could not change that now, and he would do what he could to gain her revenge on Naraku. He still held love for her and most likely always would as she was his first love and that love always remains no matter how horrible the outcome.

But she as she was made him an oath breaker and laid a mark on his honor for he had made another promise to her that he had absolutely no intention of keeping. Even Kagome knew the truth of it, that first time when he held her in his arms and felt such sorrow and love for what had been she had bespelled him without remorse and tricked him into promising her that he would go to the underworld with her. The guilt might have been enough to let his human bow to her wishes but his demon would fight to survive with all he had. Such disparity in his mind had caused him untold problems save for one overriding instinct and truth.

His guilt was not strong enough to overcome his love. It was his love and not to be confused for what he knew was coming from his link with Tessaiga. He had someone now that he would die to protect and not find his life wasted in the doing of it, someone who trusted him no matter what happened. Even when he wasn't sure he could trust himself she was there at his side to save him with her unswerving faith. He would not fail her as he felt that he had Kikyou with his uncertainty and lack of trust, that lack being their ultimate downfall as much as Naraku himself had been.

If he could just figure out what was going on with Tessaiga and Kagome he could be content with things as they were. _She_ had no idea what was going on and he had no answers to give if she suddenly were to somehow realize what was bothering him. He wondered if he should ask Sango about this, after all the taijiya wielded a weapon made of demon-bone as well, her Hiraikotsu was definitely something extraordinary though he didn't know if it spoke to her the way that Tessaiga did him. Well, spoke wasn't the right way to think of it, more like intuition of thoughts and desires but either way he wasn't sure if she would even know about what he could do.

But as the season unfolded he wondered if even Sango would understand it as he grew certain that she had no idea of the full potential of devotion her own weapon held for her. It occupied his thoughts through the first two weeks that he kept them near Kaede's village as he felt it was too cold for Kagome to be following after him exposed to the elements as she was in her school uniform. In his heart he also felt that she and his other friends needed the break from the relentless pursuit of the Jewel Shards they had joined him on, and since Naraku was being almost cooperatively quiet he saw no need to deny them the rest though he griped aloud at the 'delay' often enough to keep his hard-headed and thoughtless cover intact.

But even he could not help but be touched watching Kagome play with Shippou in the snow, teaching him the games of her time and he'd had to hide his laughter when they had made a snowman that strongly resembled him. He had pretended to be offended at the rather disproportionate creation but in his heart he'd been touched that either of them cared about him enough to do it even in jest. It was a much larger gift than even what Kagome would bring him for the celebration of Christmas because he knew without a doubt even if she never spoke the words aloud that she loved him. He could be content with that, for the rest of the winter and it seemed that this year was the mildest he could remember in his long life, but perhaps that was because this year he was warm inside where there had only been coldness and loneliness before.

InuYasha knew then that with Kagome at his side, there would be no Winter anymore for his heart, and he only wished he could express that to her with the sort of words she deserved, but all he could give her was the sincerity of his actions, the might of his arm to protect her body and the ardent desire of his heart to see her safe. If he could only find a way to cease her tears while he figured out the mess he had to untangle with Kikyou he would, but until that was settled things would simply have to be what they were.

Word Notes:

Shinidimachu Soul Collectors


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the original characters of InuYasha because frankly if I did Kouga would get more time center stage. InuYasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and I promise not to scuff him up too badly.

Chapter Two: Fuyu ga owari, soshite kono ha, _or_ Winter is over, this is Spring.

A moment's peace was too much to ask apparently. He felt the growl rising in his chest then even though he'd have preferred to have had more control over this reaction. But honestly how was it his fault that he'd reacted this way? Shippou had been annoying the hell out of him all morning as the group trekked over the forest path on the search for a demon that had been bedeviling the local villagers in such a fashion that it had made them think there must be a jewel shard involved, and he had felt that he'd been remarkably patient with the annoying Kitsune. Why he hadn't even struck the kit more than once! For InuYasha this was an unprecedented show of restraint and even Kagome had noticed it, for once she hadn't sat him and she had actually scolded Shippou slightly, telling him to leave InuYasha alone.

That made him happier than anything and a bit smug, his head tilted back just a bit in his effort to look down his nose at the kit. Then of course the breeze washed over the group and _ruined_ that perfect moment. He had had just enough time to think _Aw hell no _before that jerk had appeared in his signature whirlwind and screeched to a halt in front of his Kagome. It didn't even disturb him for once that his growl out loud was echoed by a growl from Tessaiga that only he seemed to be able to hear. His mind was telling him that there was no way he should allow Kouga the opportunity to even touch his Kagome because even with her fetish for bathing it took literally _days_ for the demon scent of the Wolf Prince to wear off her skin and that lingering odor always put him in a rotten mood until it was gone.

Unfortunately said rotten mood was more often than not taken out on the delicate seeming Miko from the future. Before he could spit out a single curse or growl of rage to make that damn demon back off he noticed that Kouga had stopped of his own accord just shy of actually taking Kagome's hands. The Prince stood there with his body facing hers but his head turned towards InuYasha, a very puzzled expression on his handsome face as he slowly moved to fully face his hanyou rival.

"Do that again."

_What the hell is he going on about?_ His puzzlement shone clearly, his expression earnest enough that Kouga would know that InuYasha really had no idea just what Kouga wanted him to do again. With an impatient gesture towards him the Yourouzoku explained what he meant, curiosity there in his blue eyes.

"That thing, where you growl with two voices, do that again."

Both InuYasha's dark brows rose towards his hairline. Kouga had heard Tessaiga growl at him and thought that somehow the hanyou had developed the skill to growl twice in one moment? Tessaiga chose that moment to growl again as Kouga had once more stepped closer to Kagome than either InuYasha or the sword liked. This time it was Kouga's brows that rose up in surprise as he realized that it hadn't been InuYasha growling that second layer of sound at all. Not many demonic weapons were that strong, strong enough to hold a personality of sorts all their own and separate from their wielders. It made Kouga take a moment to think out just how strong that must make the sword InuYasha held and it also explained a few things Kouga had never understood about the powers Tessaiga displayed.

It made total sense now, and Kouga wondered if he should take pity on his rival and explain a few things to him or just let him muddle along like always and hope for the best. Because of course one of the problems with owning a sword that powerful was the tendency for such an item to subsume the will of its owner and take control, a possession of sorts that few ever had the luck or strength to break free of. He reached and took Kagome's hands and gave her his usual speech about hoping she was well and how beautiful she was to him, but even then his mind worked over the problem. Of course just when he had decided out of the goodness of his heart to warn InuYasha he'd had to leap away from his woman to escape an attack by him and that had been enough to change his mind. But because Kagome cared about the hanyou as Kouga left he gave a cryptic sort of warning.

"Good luck with that sword of yours, dog breath!"

InuYasha puzzled over that for days and of course the more he thought about Kouga and his flippant remark the more annoyed he got. He did his best to not take it out on his companions despite how much they tempted him to with their behavior but it all finally came to a head and he wound up in a shouting match with Kagome. It was heated though no more than usual and of course the end result was the same, she stormed off to go home and he was left feeling utterly miserable and desolate. What was worse was that this time he could feel the full censure of his sword and the withdrawal of the sort of thread of support from it that he had been getting. He let her cool off for a day before heading in the direction of the well to either wait for her to return or go after her, he had not decided which just as yet.

The day was beautiful, the breezes warm and soothing and the scent of Spring was in the air. But without Kagome at his side it all seemed rather grey and unwelcome and the longer he stared at the worn wood of the well the worse that feeling of despair grew. He always missed her when she left him for her home in the future but he could never recall feeling this washed out and lonely. He wondered if it might be a combination of the week of tenseness that had followed Kouga's visit and his own underlying worry about having a sword that had a mind of its own concerning Kagome, but he couldn't be sure. Where some might have chosen to wallow in the 'unfairness' of it all, InuYasha did not; he tried to think out what was happening to him and came to the conclusion that it was Kagome's fault.

Well, not her _fault_ per se, but her absence made him realize how much he truly needed her at his side and it made him cherish her words to him about always being there even more. Kagome he had realized was both his weakness and his strength. It elated and terrified him in the same breath for she could be used against him by his enemies for both. Yet such was the depth of what he felt that he knew for her sake he would not allow it, that he would be strong for the both of them were something like that to happen. No matter who might take her prisoner he would somehow find the strength and courage to save her and by saving her he would ultimately save them both.

It was really a shame of course that once he realized how he felt that he also realized that he didn't have the words to tell her so. Yet the thought of her and his heart's acceptance of how he felt about her was enough to reawaken that link to Tessaiga and he felt at least a partial approval from that sort of spirit he sensed within it. Perhaps it was a sort of shared feeling that allowed this and that led him back once more to the realization that he was not the only one in love with Kagome. It was that thought that had him brooding when she returned and it allowed him to give her a quiet though gruff apology. After all it wasn't like anyone was watching him do it and it was easy enough to ignore the wash of approval he felt from Tessaiga.

That somewhat easy acceptance was overshadowed by the dream he had later that week. The dream started simply enough, an echo of the day's events though of course the perspective on it was vastly different than what he remembered. They had fought a very large ogre type youkai that had come very close to injuring both Miroku and Kagome during the battle. Yet unlike how InuYasha remembered the events it was not the sweep of the Wind Scar which saved his companions but a large albeit invisible spirit hand that blocked the ogre's attack. In the dream he floated above the battlefield watching as things unfolded and he wondered if this was the view that the spirit that resided in Tessaiga had of all events where he was with the sword. It was a bit of a chilling thought, that perhaps somehow the spirit of his Father was there watching over him as he lived his life.

It should have been heartwarming, not something that chilled him to the bone and made him afraid. A shred of his father's spirit gave Tessaiga its power, it was forged from the living fang of the great Dog General after all and such was its nature. That didn't bother InuYasha upon awakening, it was something he expected. What bothered him was the notion that the dream had planted into his mind, that a being as powerful as his father was purported to be had leant part of his power towards the sword he now held, and that if that spirit were to find a reason that it might want to take him over, might want to live again and imprison his soul within its current home. What would it be like to be trapped in a blade? Would he even know what was going on? Would he be strong enough to retain himself if that were to happen?

The image that had him thinking along those dark paths was the final image of the dream, where it had not been InuYasha who had walked from the fight with his hand resting on Kagome's trusting shoulder. It had not been InuYasha at all, it had been a tall and handsome youkai that seemed to have the best of his features and Sesshoumaru's, long silvery hair pulled up in a top knot to flow around him like a wave of liquid silk that a girl like Kagome would be dying to touch, to run her fingers through. His smile was as devastating as the strong aura that surrounded him, and his command of the very space in which he walked was as evident as the strength of the muscles that worked along his arm as it was not just the hand that rested upon Kagome. Was this a warning? A foreshadowing of what was to come? Did the soul of his father really remain aware within Tessaiga and did it long to escape so that it could have fleshly form again?

It deeply disturbed InuYasha to think that any part of his father was in love with his Kagome. It had been much easier to accept when he had thought of Tessaiga as a powerful spirit infused weapon and not a potential rival, not an extension of perhaps his father's will and personality. It was almost enough for him to fling the sword at Sesshoumaru the next time that he appeared to demand that it be given to him, almost but not enough. This was after all his birthright and there was something within him that told him if he lost Tessaiga that he would end up losing far more than just an heirloom that he had never known he would need so much. This of course was before he was informed just how important the sword was to him, that without it he would be unable to control his demonic blood should it surface, that without it he would lose his very soul and perhaps harm the one person in this world he had come to truly love.

Then of course in the way of such things that protection was shattered when he faced Goshinki and that vile beast spawned of his hated rival Naraku had literally bitten his sword in half. The agonized howls he heard in his mind even as his body was battered to that point where his demonic blood would save him were what drove him so mad, made him so vicious when it came to defeating the smug mind reading demon. Those howls were a mix of both his pain and his father's rage at the shattering of his instrument and had driven the inu-hanyou quite mad, making what he did to Goshinki particularly bloody and horrific. Ironically it had been Kagome who had saved him then, pulling him back from the brink by the shining force of her caring for him. Unfortunately that event had led to others which were progressively more difficult for him to return from and without the tempering nature of his father's spirit held within a completed Tessaiga it was harder for InuYasha to want to retain his soul in the first place.

Isn't that after all what he had wanted, to use the Sacred Jewel to become a full fledged demon like his brother and father? Yet he knew within himself that was a lie and that he had wanted to be a demon as they were, not a demon as he was without the rein on his blood that Tessaiga had provided. Without that check he was not an elegant and powerful youkai, he was a near mindless force of rage and blood thirsty desire to destroy. So he had very willingly sought out Totosai to beg him to repair his sword, at least it was as close to begging as InuYasha would come to. The brief pain of having one of his own fangs removed was nothing compared to the pain the thought of hurting Kagome gave him and so while he bitched about it he was secretly glad.

The bonus of course was that with his own bone introduced into the reforging of his sword that it would become a mix of his own power and his father's, and thus less likely a chance there would be that his father would possess him after all. The idea of it made him smirk until the first time he tried to use Tessaiga in battle only to have it be so very heavy that he could hardly wield it even with his greater strength. He should have known it wouldn't be so easy to subsume the will of his old man at that and it was no surprise really when he was sent on the mission to destroy his father's old enemy Ryoukoutsei. He had to prove to the spirit of his father that he was much stronger and more determined than ever before.

He supposed though that he should not have been hurt when Myouga had sounded so surprised that he had actually succeeded in doing what his father could not, and that Totosai had not told him about the Backlash Wave attack. They had been friends with his father and had nearly worshipped him, so perhaps a small part of them had not wanted to see his son outstrip him in any fashion. Their tepid approval though did more for him than riotous praise, making him want to become even stronger than ever before. Later on he would reflect that those two canny old youkai had known exactly what they were doing, had known that their reluctant praise would simply drive him to work even harder. It had made him suddenly grin, albeit begrudgingly, and he recognized within himself that small boy who had desperately wanted the approval of anyone, especially those who had actually known his father.

Still, when it came down to it, it was taking much longer to sort out other damage that had been done to his emotions and soul over the years. It made him all the more glad that no matter how many times his thoughtless actions hurt Kagome's feelings that her love of him was enough to sustain her and keep her at his side. He would be utterly lost without her now, even if he had still not found a way to unravel what needed to be fixed to make her happy while she stood there.

AN:

All my story updates are going to be slow going now, and I do apologize deeply for this. I had twins in December of 2007 and they take up most of my free time! I am not abandoning any of the current stories I am posting, I will finish both Tears of the Blade and Knight Errant. Fox in the Fold I am going to wait to post until I have written all five chapters, so I again apologize for those that were waiting to see my take on an adult Shippou. I hope you enjoy chapter two of this five part story and that it isn't as confusing as I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be.

Thank you!


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